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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Amnesty International Blasts Conditions Of NHL Penalty Boxes

LONDON—Exposing widespread cases of rampant neglect and overly harsh treatment, human rights organization Amnesty International released a damning report Friday decrying the cruel and inhumane conditions of NHL penalty boxes. “Confining players against their will in these filthy and incredibly cramped enclosures is absolutely unacceptable in today’s modern game,” read an excerpt from the report, which also demanded accountability from the NHL after penalized players as young as 18 were found to be subjected to relentless abuse by opposing fans in arenas across the league. “The floors are often covered with the spit and refuse of previous offenders, with two players sometimes forced to share the same putrid, unhygienic penalty box. This brutal punishment is handed out for even the smallest of infractions—in some cases a five-minute sentence for a bullshit cross-checking call—and the NHL has simply turned a blind eye to this incredibly serious issue.” The report went on to heavily criticize the league’s barbaric policy of forcing a penalized player to watch as his teammates are reduced to playing short-handed.

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