Anchor Ad-Libs News With 97 Percent Accuracy

Top Headlines

Recent News

Strongside/Weakside: Jurgen Klinsmann

Despite leading the U.S. men’s national team through the so-called “Group of Death” in the 2014 World Cup, Jurgen Klinsmann has come under heavy criticism this week after his side finished fourth in the 2015 Gold Cup. Is he any good?

How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop

With sales of the Apple Watch reportedly down 90 percent since its initial release, Apple is suffering in the wearables market and faces a lack of enthusiasm about its latest product. Here are some ways Apple can improve the watch and prevent the company from falling into a slump:
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

Anchor Ad-Libs News With 97 Percent Accuracy

LINCOLN, NE—Veteran KLKN lead anchor Steve Hart, who has delivered over 5,000 newscasts for the ABC affiliate over 21 years, improvised the entire 6 p.m. report with remarkable accuracy Monday after his TelePrompTer malfunctioned just 15 seconds into the broadcast.

"A devastating fire on the city's south side has left two members of a family dead and three injured," said Hart, whose fabrication of a Lincoln City Council vote to ban smoking in area supper clubs proved completely correct, even though the anchor had no prior knowledge of the event. "And a local high school math teacher sits in a downtown jail tonight, charged with the statutory rape of a minor in his class."

According to news director David Silverstein, Hart was only wrong once: when he slightly overestimated the number of points by which the local high school basketball team lost.