adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Anderson Cooper Throws Another Box Of Letters From Gay Children Into Dumpster

NEW YORK—Speaking with reporters Tuesday after emptying another box of fan mail into the dumpster behind his Manhattan apartment, CNN news anchor Anderson Cooper explained that there was just no way he could read and respond to the substantial volume of letters he receives from his young homosexual fans. “I’m glad these children find me inspiring, but come on—I must have a hundred little gay kids writing to me each day,” the television personality said of the unending barrage of letters, photos, and thank-you notes he receives from 10- to 15-year-old homosexuals, all of which are immediately tossed into his home recycling bin or sent through his paper shredder at work. “I just have a lot on my plate right now. I’m doing [Anderson Cooper] 360°, I’m doing Anderson Live, and a lot of the time I’m out of the country on assignment. I honestly tried writing back at first, but these gay and lesbian children just won’t stop coming out to me, and it all just piles up. I’m sorry, but what else can I do?” Cooper admitted, however, that it is particularly difficult for him to ignore the children’s correspondence as he has yet to receive a response to the appreciative and reverential letter he sent to Piers Morgan last July after publicly announcing his homosexuality.

More from this section

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close