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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Andrea Kremer Proves Journalistic Prowess By Asking Olympian How That Felt

LONDON—NBC Olympic reporter and 30-year veteran of the journalistic craft Andrea Kremer exhibited her unequaled interviewing talents last week by asking a gold-medal-winning swimmer how it felt to win her race. "A gold medal, how does it feel?" asked Kremer, proving her adept ability to dig beneath the surface and down to the true heart of a story in a manner that's earned her two Emmys during her career. "It's got to feel pretty good, right?" Kremer also displayed her exemplary tact and skill a week earlier when the intrepid sports reporter conducted a postrace interview with the U.S. men's 400-meter freestyle relay team, causing journalists far and wide to question their own abilities when she asked Ryan Lochte, who was passed in the final lap, "What happened?"

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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