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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Andrew Bynum Admits Pain In Knees Small Price To Pay For Philadelphia Fans' Misery

PHILADELPHIA—Speaking to reporters after suffering a setback with lingering injuries, 76ers center Andrew Bynum admitted Wednesday that the intense pain in his knees was completely worthwhile considering all the misery it’s causing the Philadelphia fan base. “I’d easily take a full season of this just to keep watching all these assholes crying and whining on message boards,” said Bynum, adding that every bitching sports talk radio host makes him wish he could go through surgery all over again. “Do you think I would have admitted that I hurt myself while bowling if it wasn’t this fun to make these Philly fans suffer? God, this is way better than trying to bring these awful people a championship.” As of press time, the Eagles have announced they will re-sign head coach Andy Reid to a four-year deal just to see the look on their fucking fans’ faces.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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