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Andrew Bynum Admits Pain In Knees Small Price To Pay For Philadelphia Fans' Misery

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Andrew Bynum Admits Pain In Knees Small Price To Pay For Philadelphia Fans' Misery

PHILADELPHIA—Speaking to reporters after suffering a setback with lingering injuries, 76ers center Andrew Bynum admitted Wednesday that the intense pain in his knees was completely worthwhile considering all the misery it’s causing the Philadelphia fan base. “I’d easily take a full season of this just to keep watching all these assholes crying and whining on message boards,” said Bynum, adding that every bitching sports talk radio host makes him wish he could go through surgery all over again. “Do you think I would have admitted that I hurt myself while bowling if it wasn’t this fun to make these Philly fans suffer? God, this is way better than trying to bring these awful people a championship.” As of press time, the Eagles have announced they will re-sign head coach Andy Reid to a four-year deal just to see the look on their fucking fans’ faces.

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