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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Andrew Luck Cut From Colts After Overthrowing Wide-Open Receiver

ANDERSON, IN—Less than a week into training camp, the Indianapolis Colts announced they had cut quarterback Andrew Luck from the roster because the rookie reportedly overthrew wide receiver Reggie Wayne by more than 2 feet during practice. "We appreciate everything Andrew has done for our organization, but we strongly believe that today's performance proves we need to move on," owner Jim Irsay said Friday, throwing his full support behind Drew Stanton as the future of the Colts. "Some may question our decision to sever ties with the No. 1 pick, but I can guarantee that anybody who saw how wide-open Reggie was would agree. I mean, that pass wasn't even close." Teams in desperate need of a quarterback now have a choice between claiming Luck or former Redskins passer Robert Griffith III, who was released Thursday after his shoe came untied.

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