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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Andrew Luck Cut From Colts After Overthrowing Wide-Open Receiver

ANDERSON, IN—Less than a week into training camp, the Indianapolis Colts announced they had cut quarterback Andrew Luck from the roster because the rookie reportedly overthrew wide receiver Reggie Wayne by more than 2 feet during practice. "We appreciate everything Andrew has done for our organization, but we strongly believe that today's performance proves we need to move on," owner Jim Irsay said Friday, throwing his full support behind Drew Stanton as the future of the Colts. "Some may question our decision to sever ties with the No. 1 pick, but I can guarantee that anybody who saw how wide-open Reggie was would agree. I mean, that pass wasn't even close." Teams in desperate need of a quarterback now have a choice between claiming Luck or former Redskins passer Robert Griffith III, who was released Thursday after his shoe came untied.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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