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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Andrew Luck Repeatedly Mentions How Good His Neck Feels During Post Game Interview

GLENDALE, AZ—Stanford quarterback and projected No. 1 NFL draft pick Andrew Luck spent the majority of his post–Fiesta Bowl interview Tuesday night discussing the superb health and dexterity of his neck. "It feels great," Luck told reporters, rolling his neck a full 360 degrees several times in both directions while letting out a pleasurable sigh. "My whole spine is really clicking right now, particularly vertebrae C2 and C3—right in the neck there. But enough about my thriving cartilaginous discs, hyoid bone, sternocleidomastoid muscle, and external carotid artery. They’re all in tip-top shape, so no need to discuss them any further. Oh, hey, has anyone here ever had a kink in their neck? Because I haven’t." Luck then went on to demonstrate how he looks off defenders and scans the entire football field, saying he couldn’t imagine how anyone—even future Hall of Fame quarterbacks with a Super Bowl victory—could do that without a fully functioning neck.

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