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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Andrew Luck Repeatedly Mentions How Good His Neck Feels During Post Game Interview

GLENDALE, AZ—Stanford quarterback and projected No. 1 NFL draft pick Andrew Luck spent the majority of his post–Fiesta Bowl interview Tuesday night discussing the superb health and dexterity of his neck. "It feels great," Luck told reporters, rolling his neck a full 360 degrees several times in both directions while letting out a pleasurable sigh. "My whole spine is really clicking right now, particularly vertebrae C2 and C3—right in the neck there. But enough about my thriving cartilaginous discs, hyoid bone, sternocleidomastoid muscle, and external carotid artery. They’re all in tip-top shape, so no need to discuss them any further. Oh, hey, has anyone here ever had a kink in their neck? Because I haven’t." Luck then went on to demonstrate how he looks off defenders and scans the entire football field, saying he couldn’t imagine how anyone—even future Hall of Fame quarterbacks with a Super Bowl victory—could do that without a fully functioning neck.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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