WASHINGTON—Saying the deadly mishap had no impact whatsoever on mortality rates in any demographic, a new Pew Research Center study released Tuesday found that zero percent of people die from getting their fingers lodged in a bowling ball and being dragged down the lane.
BALTIMORE—New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte threw seven scoreless innings during the Yankees' 7-1 victory over the Baltimore Orioles Sunday, causing the visibly proud veteran left-hander to declare his performance "a genuine Pettitte." "A couple more Pettittes like this one and I could be in store for a Cy Young season," Pettitte told reporters after the game, adding that with his cut fastball working early, he was confident in his ability to deliver a Pettitte. "The last thing I wanted to do was go out there and Mussina up the joint." Pettitte later added that he dreams of one day throwing a perfect Pettitte, though he said he is aware of how difficult it is to perform a feat requiring him to strike out 17 batters, walk three, give up one run, and still manage to get the loss.