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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Andy Pettitte Retires To Inject HGH Without Being Harassed About It

NEW YORK—Sixteen-year veteran and five-time world champion Andy Pettitte announced his retirement from professional baseball last Friday, telling reporters he was mostly leaving the game so he could inject human growth hormone to his heart's content and not be constantly harangued about it. "I was really torn between giving baseball one more go and being able to stick myself with needle upon needle of HGH without repercussions," said Pettitte, adding that if he had been given the option to use HGH with a guarantee he wouldn't be given a hard time about it, he would still be a New York Yankee. "But it's time for me to focus on my life after baseball—specifically, how enjoyable it will be to use performance-enhancing drugs without somebody hounding me to pee in a cup." Pettitte then smiled, thanked reporters and fans, and downed more than 50 tablets from a bottle labeled Max HGH.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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