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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Andy Reid Asks Sean Payton If He Is Going To Eat His Torn MCL

PHILADELPHIA—While recovering from injuries suffered in a sideline incident last Sunday, New Orleans head coach Sean Payton received a phone call from Andy Reid in which the Eagles coach expressed his wishes for Payton to heal quickly from the fractured tibia and torn MCL, and inquired as to whether or not Payton was going to eat the damaged ligament. "You rest up and make sure you're okay, now, and if you think that MCL is just going to sit around in your fridge, well, give me a call," said Reid, who also regaled Payton with descriptions of "this great spice rub, not too hot, really savory, perfect for connective tissues" that he'd found at a barbecue shack. "Lot of people think, yeah, an MCL's too tough, but you slow-cook one with say the right marinade and it's tender as you please. Though I figure, a busy head coach like you, probably no time to simmer one of your ligaments for 10 hours, so maybe you might want someone to take it off your hands…?" Payton reportedly told Reid he was planning on healing his MCL, then hung up as Reid was inquiring as to whether the knee would have to be amputated.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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