Andy Reid Asks Sean Payton If He Is Going To Eat His Torn MCL

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Vol 47 Issue 43

Bill Simmons Somehow Still Writing About 2010 NBA Season

LOS ANGELES—With the NBA lockout having already resulted in the cancellation of many games this fall, ESPN.com and Grantland columnist Bill Simmons is somehow managing to churn out upwards of 3,000 words per week on the NBA by continuing to write ab...

FAA To Ban Plane Crashes

WASHINGTON—In what officials are calling "a much-needed policy shift," the Federal Aviation Administration announced this weekend that it would ban all plane crashes.

Man's Utter Failure In Life A Bit Of A Sore Spot

MADISONVILLE, TN—Sources close to local man Mike Ferguson confirmed Saturday that over time they have learned not to bring up their friend's utter failure to achieve anything whatsoever in life, a sensitive topic they said has always been a bit of a...

Lions Fans Excited To Be Booing Again

DETROIT—After their team dropped its second-straight game Sunday, Detroit Lions fans told reporters they were thrilled to get back to booing the hapless franchise.
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Andy Reid Asks Sean Payton If He Is Going To Eat His Torn MCL

PHILADELPHIA—While recovering from injuries suffered in a sideline incident last Sunday, New Orleans head coach Sean Payton received a phone call from Andy Reid in which the Eagles coach expressed his wishes for Payton to heal quickly from the fractured tibia and torn MCL, and inquired as to whether or not Payton was going to eat the damaged ligament. "You rest up and make sure you're okay, now, and if you think that MCL is just going to sit around in your fridge, well, give me a call," said Reid, who also regaled Payton with descriptions of "this great spice rub, not too hot, really savory, perfect for connective tissues" that he'd found at a barbecue shack. "Lot of people think, yeah, an MCL's too tough, but you slow-cook one with say the right marinade and it's tender as you please. Though I figure, a busy head coach like you, probably no time to simmer one of your ligaments for 10 hours, so maybe you might want someone to take it off your hands…?" Payton reportedly told Reid he was planning on healing his MCL, then hung up as Reid was inquiring as to whether the knee would have to be amputated.

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