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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Andy Reid Furious At Self For Poor Clock Management At End Of 72-Oz. Steak Challenge

KANSAS CITY, MO—Lamenting his total lack of urgency while chewing, Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid expressed frustration with himself Thursday over his poor clock management in the final moments of Union Grill’s 72-ounce “Belt Buster” steak challenge. “I just lost track of the clock, and the next thing I knew, there was only one minute left and still 15 ounces of steak to go,” said Reid, bemoaning the fact that he leisurely dipped every piece of the 4.5-pound sirloin in A.1. Sauce while precious seconds continued running off the clock. “Once I realized how little time was left, I tried to hurry up and managed to get most of it down, but I had trouble lining up the next chunk. I always say how important it is to eat with all your heart for the full 60 minutes, and don’t look ahead to the next meal, and days like today show why. But there’s no one to blame but myself.” Reid added that to avoid a similar mistake in the future, he is simply going to eat the entire steak in a single mouthful.

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