adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Andy Reid Vows To Eat Philadelphia Delicacy If Eagles Win, Arizona Delicacy If Eagles Lose

GLENDALE, AZ—In the type of wager normally placed between mayors of the cities playing in major sporting events, coach Andy Reid vowed to eat any number of Arizona delicacies should his team lose to the Cardinals, as opposed to local Philadelphia cuisine if his Eagles win."Green corn tamales, tequila shrimp, Yucatán steam-roasted turkey; if they win, I promise you now that I will eat anything and everything Arizona has to offer," Reid said at Wednesday's media day, wiping the corner of his mouth with his sleeve throughout the press conference. "But if we win? Not only do I get to eat a nice big Philly cheesesteak from every major cheesesteak purveyor in the city, I also get some Pennsylvania Dutch soft pretzels, a plate of scrapple, and a hoagie of my choosing. Actually, since I've already paid for it, I might as well just eat both cities' foods. It'd be a shame to let it go to waste." When asked about the AFC Championship Game between Baltimore and Pittsburgh, Reid expressed a slight preference for crab cakes over french-fry-stuffed sandwiches.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close