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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Angelina Jolie Stuns In First Rollerblading Competition Since Double Mastectomy

ARCADIA, CA—Famed actress and activist Angelina Jolie wowed Grindside Street Comp spectators Sunday in her first public aggressive inline skating competition since undergoing a preventive double mastectomy earlier this year. “I think a lot of people were wondering what it would be like when she got back out there on the half-pipe again, but her performance was flawless—she’s a world-class blader, and she proved it today,” fellow women’s vert competitor Cecilia Gonzales said of 37-year-old Jolie, who reportedly dazzled the crowd with an inspiring arsenal of stunts including a top-acid turn, an alley-oop unity, and a stunning double backflip. “When she opened with a frontside I figured she was just going to take it easy, but then she goes and pulls a sick mizou with a 540 hurricane. And I was just like, ‘Damn. Still got it.’” When interviewed after receiving third place in the women’s vert event, Jolie told reporters it was great to be back and urged young skaters to consider the importance of proper training and protective gear.

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