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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Angelina Jolie Stuns In First Rollerblading Competition Since Double Mastectomy

ARCADIA, CA—Famed actress and activist Angelina Jolie wowed Grindside Street Comp spectators Sunday in her first public aggressive inline skating competition since undergoing a preventive double mastectomy earlier this year. “I think a lot of people were wondering what it would be like when she got back out there on the half-pipe again, but her performance was flawless—she’s a world-class blader, and she proved it today,” fellow women’s vert competitor Cecilia Gonzales said of 37-year-old Jolie, who reportedly dazzled the crowd with an inspiring arsenal of stunts including a top-acid turn, an alley-oop unity, and a stunning double backflip. “When she opened with a frontside I figured she was just going to take it easy, but then she goes and pulls a sick mizou with a 540 hurricane. And I was just like, ‘Damn. Still got it.’” When interviewed after receiving third place in the women’s vert event, Jolie told reporters it was great to be back and urged young skaters to consider the importance of proper training and protective gear.

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