Anne Hathaway, James Franco Spend Every Moment Of Oscars Tearing Into Jesse Eisenberg

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 08

CynGen Press Release

CynGen released this statement in response to public outcry over a screaming cob of genetically modified corn.

U-Say Responses To Tillis' Resignation

Our inbox has been flooded with emails of support for Tillis following his decision to step down. "God bless you,Tillis. Best of luck in all your drinking." --Jacob E., Franklin, KY "My friends and I will pour a bottle of gin on the sidew...

Upcoming SIURT Reports

Don't miss these upcoming reports by the Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team: We all assume there are precautions in place to prevent restaurant employees from masturbating into our food, but is this actually the case? SIURT ...

Genetically-Modified Food Activity Around The Nation

Produce-related anomalies seem to be on the rise in America. Some examples of unusual activity by genetically modified crops reported in the past 12 months: Large pumpkin dry heaves in fear as two young children attempt to take it home for Halloween (Pie...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Energy

Anne Hathaway, James Franco Spend Every Moment Of Oscars Tearing Into Jesse Eisenberg

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Academy Awards hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway spent the entire three-hour broadcast Sunday absolutely ripping apart Social Network star Jesse Eisenberg with a barrage of clever one-liners, cutting jabs, and outright name-calling. "In the Best Actor category tonight, we have a king, a grizzled U.S. Marshal, and a big nerd who never gets laid being played by another big nerd who never gets laid," said Hathaway, introducing the award’'s presenter and adding that Eisenberg looked like he was "about ready to crap his pants." "Hey Jesse, your mom told us we need to wrap things up so we can get you home before bedtime, you little dork." Representatives from the American Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences have reportedly invited Franco and Hathaway back for next year's ceremony, saying they loved the bit where Franco inserted himself into scenes from all the Best Picture nominees and talked about how small Eisenberg's penis must be.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More