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Annoying Friend Always Flabbergasted By Over-Under

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Annoying Friend Always Flabbergasted By Over-Under

MIDDLE RIVER, MD—According to his irritated friends, local man Mike Dreyer is inexplicably shocked and angered whenever he hears the over-under oddsmakers have set for any sporting event whatsoever. "It's like he takes it personally or something," said Dreyer's friend Matt Brands, who makes a point of putting away the local sports page before Dreyer comes over so he can't consult it. "Nobody cares if Mike thinks the Texans' performance on artificial turf warrants something more like an over-under of 42 than 45. He's never made a bet in his life anyway." At press time, Dreyer was not asked to comment about the Super Bowl spread.

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