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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Annual 6-Sentence Conversation With Cousin Goes Smoothly

PEORIA, IL—In keeping with the pair’s time-honored yearly tradition, local resident Bruce Malden reportedly made it through a “smooth and uneventful” six-sentence exchange with cousin Jeanelle Fowler at his family’s annual reunion last weekend. “Hey, how have you been?” Malden said to his cousin, who according to sources answered without hesitation that she had, in fact, been doing fine. “Doing pretty good myself. Can’t complain, anyway. You still liking it out there in Seattle?” Reports later confirmed that the fifth and sixth sentences spoken by Malden consisted of the single-word responses “Good” and “Uh-huh,” respectively.

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