adBlockCheck

Sports

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Another Boxing Hall Of Fame Induction Ends With Everyone Punching Each Other

CANASTOTA, NY—Though it started as a typical celebration of such boxing icons as Mike Tyson and Julio Cesar Chavez, last Sunday's International Boxing Hall of Fame induction ceremony once again devolved into a 200-person melee of hooks, jabs, and uppercuts, the event concluding in the same fashion it has throughout its 22-year existence. "There’s a lot of testosterone in that room to begin with, but then one person says the wrong thing to somebody else and the whole thing goes off pretty much on cue—people at the podium are punching each other, people in attendance are punching each other, and the whole room is basically one big boxing match," Hall of Fame director Ed Brophy told reporters, adding that before he was decked by Tyson, he got in a couple of pretty good shots on 68-year-old inductee Ignacio Beristain. “Sure, we broke some tables, stained some of the carpet with blood, and that one guy died on the way to the hospital, but it's the Boxing Hall of Fame. That's what happens here." Sylvester Stallone, also a 2011 inductee, was reportedly knocked out with one punch six seconds into the fight.

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close