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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Another Friends Star To Appear In Another Big-Screen Bomb

LOS ANGELES—On Monday, actor David Schwimmer began filming for Can't Help Myself, a Buena Vista Pictures romantic comedy that promises to be yet another big-screen bomb starring a Friends cast member. Slated for December release, Can't Help Myself will join such previous Friends-star-driven bombs as Picture Perfect, Ed, Fools Rush In, The Pallbearer, Kissing A Fool, 'Til There Was You, Romy And Michele's High School Reunion, and She's The One, as well as such soon-to-be-released bombs as Jennifer Aniston's Object Of My Affection and Courteney Cox's Alien Love Triangle.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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