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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Anquan Boldin

Ravens Wide Receiver

Strength: Never shatters Joe Flacco’s confidence by telling him what he actually thinks; Great guy to have in the locker room if you need to borrow shampoo or cologne; Gets separation from speedy defensive backs by running very slowly; Can catch wobbly, piece of shit that Flacco calls a fucking pass

Weakness: Steady and dependable job performance makes him unrelatable to most of U.S. populace; Excels at getting tackled after the catch; Gets so excited about routes he shouts them out loud

40-Yard-Dash: Doesn’t have anything to prove to you

Most Comparable Receiver: One-half of 2005 Anquan Boldin

Skill: Excellent vertical leap while jumping up and down to cheer on Ravens defense; Great at picking up a few extra compliments after spectacular catches

Background: Played football in high school, college, and NFL

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