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Anquan Boldin

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Anquan Boldin

Ravens Wide Receiver

Strength: Never shatters Joe Flacco’s confidence by telling him what he actually thinks; Great guy to have in the locker room if you need to borrow shampoo or cologne; Gets separation from speedy defensive backs by running very slowly; Can catch wobbly, piece of shit that Flacco calls a fucking pass

Weakness: Steady and dependable job performance makes him unrelatable to most of U.S. populace; Excels at getting tackled after the catch; Gets so excited about routes he shouts them out loud

40-Yard-Dash: Doesn’t have anything to prove to you

Most Comparable Receiver: One-half of 2005 Anquan Boldin

Skill: Excellent vertical leap while jumping up and down to cheer on Ravens defense; Great at picking up a few extra compliments after spectacular catches

Background: Played football in high school, college, and NFL

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