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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Ant Colony Comes To Halt After Death Of Popular Worker

OLD BRIDGE, NJ—The transportation of nourishing bread crumbs came to an abrupt halt Thursday morning when ant colony 000082567KLN00067X collectively paused to remember the life of veteran worker FL77542PM4. Workers HJ997462M and IK002620FC secreted primer pheromones to signal the start of the solemn moment, and Queen XHB004-65B memorialized the event by releasing a scent trail from her engorged abdomen. Known throughout the superorganism for being in constant locomotion, FL77542PM4 had been a member of the colony since he first emerged from his pupal casing, and was considered an expert at nest construction. The service ended when fellow workers marched over his body, tore apart his thorax, and began feeding their fallen compatriot to their young.

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