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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.
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Anti-Bacterial Tips

With new anti-bacterial products hitting the stores every day, millions of Americans are waging a war on germs. Here are some ways you can reduce your risk of exposure to dangerous bacteria:

  • Soak all toilet tissue in bleach before applying to anus
  • Start up a neighborhood "germ-watch"
  • Blow nose into vacuum-sealed cylinder for later disposal in heart of sun
  • Add "just a touch" of Lysol® to morning coffee
  • Study TV ads carefully for information on possible locations of hidden household germs
  • Incinerate clothes after wearing
  • Cover body with linoleum, wipe down four times daily with Formula 409® Anti-Bacterial Cleanser
  • Move to germ-free gated community
  • Soak babies in detergent when not in use
  • Let germs know how bad they make you feel
  • Swab all meat with surgical scrub before eating
  • Boil everything: plates, silverware, drapes, sofa, CDs
  • Use bleach to wipe down exposed surfaces of house guests
  • Limit contact with carbon-based life

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