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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

MONTREAL—Upon releasing documents Monday relating to the verdict against 2010 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador, World Anti-Doping Agency officials mentioned to reporters they have plenty of stripped Tour titles in the office that anybody could drop by and take. "We're not going to being doing anything with all these trophies. Just call us before you come by, and we'll have them put your name down in the record books as the winner," said WADA president John Fahey, who dropped off boxes of tainted yellow jerseys at Goodwill earlier in the day. "They're cycling trophies, so they're not worth anything, but they might work well as a fruit bowl." Fahey said the agency wants to get rid of the titles quickly, as "they will really start cluttering up the place" when Lance Armstrong is finally convicted.

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