Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 07

Oh Fuck, What The Fuck Is That?

Animal 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST A woman talks about the time she saw what had to be a centipede just sitting there in her bathroom—covered in fur and the size of her fucking arm—but when she came back it was gone and that's even more terrifying.

Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog

SAN FRANCISCO—Three days after giving birth, first-time mother Courtney Baldritch has registered with the web service WordPress for the purpose of blogging the severely underdocumented experience of child-rearing.

Come Away With Me

Fox 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST Norah Jones sips a glass of wine and watches people have sex to Norah Jones songs.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Anti-Doping Agency Has A Bunch Of Old Tour De France Titles Lying Around If Anybody Wants One

MONTREAL—Upon releasing documents Monday relating to the verdict against 2010 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador, World Anti-Doping Agency officials mentioned to reporters they have plenty of stripped Tour titles in the office that anybody could drop by and take. "We're not going to being doing anything with all these trophies. Just call us before you come by, and we'll have them put your name down in the record books as the winner," said WADA president John Fahey, who dropped off boxes of tainted yellow jerseys at Goodwill earlier in the day. "They're cycling trophies, so they're not worth anything, but they might work well as a fruit bowl." Fahey said the agency wants to get rid of the titles quickly, as "they will really start cluttering up the place" when Lance Armstrong is finally convicted.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More