adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Anti-Homosexuality Sermon Suspiciously Well-Informed

BOSTON—The Rev. Francis Sebastian's Sunday sermon condemning homosexual behavior was suspiciously rich in detail and nuance, parishioners from the Adoration Of The Savior Catholic Church noted Monday. "For a celibate man of the cloth, Father Sebastian is very specific about which code words not to use on which forbidden chat rooms at which times of the night," said Betty Riegert, 67. "He also seems to have done his homework on what happens if you flash your headlights at certain rest stops along Route 16." Riegert and other parishioners expect Sebastian to revisit his usual well-worn themes, "Consider The Lilies," "Back Street Sodom," and "Christ The Bridegroom," next Sunday.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close