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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Apathy Outpacing Lust As Leading U.S. State Of Mind

WASHINGTON, DC–A federal study released Monday finds that for the first time in U.S. history, apathy has supplanted lust as the nation's leading state of mind. "It appears that the average citizen is now too apathetic to even pursue sex," the study read. "At the moment, there just isn't much that we as a people give a flying fuck about." The study was based on phone surveys, brainwave analyses, and the recent ratings victory of CBS's JAG over the Democratic National Convention.

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