Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office

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Vol 49 Issue 27

Belichick To Tebow: ‘I’m Your Lord And Savior Now’

BOSTON—Warning that he was a dark and vengeful God, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly pulled aside Tim Tebow at the team’s facilities Thursday and informed the backup quarterback that he was his only Lord and savior now...

New Tandem Mobility Scooter Released

A dying kid in Houston is holding on until the Astros develop a player worth meeting, fossilized evidence reveals the Spazosaurus was the largest doofus ever to roam the earth, and a Facebook friend is apparently under the impression that Ron Paul is stil...

Sibling Bullying Just As Bad As Peer Bullying

A recent study found that kids who were physically or psychologically bullied by siblings suffered comparable or even worse mental health outcomes than if they were bullied by neighbors or classmates.

U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

Americans are enjoying the day off with friends and family in celebration of the 237th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
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    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

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Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office

COLUMBUS, OH—Based on his recent activity on Facebook, local man Arthur Gibson, 29, is reportedly under the impression that libertarian icon and former presidential candidate Ron Paul is still running for a major federal office of some kind, sources confirmed Tuesday. “In times such as these, we require an experienced leader who is willing to stand behind the courage of his convictions and do what is right for America, and that man is Ron Paul,” Gibson wrote in just his latest post on the social networking site, seemingly unaware that the 77-year-old political theorist and former congressman is neither running for president nor in a position wherein he can directly affect public policy in any way. “[President Barack] Obama has had his chance, and yet he has consistently failed us at every turn. Well, no more. It’s time for us to take back our country.” Gibson’s Facebook friends later confirmed that the staunch libertarian has held unfounded delusions about Paul’s ability to play a role in the political process since as far back as 2008.

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