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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Appearance Of Dennis Rodman Most Normal Thing To Happen In North Korea

PYONGYANG—The recent appearance of former Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman in North Korea was reportedly the most normal thing to transpire in the country in recent memory, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Our Supreme Leader [Kim Jong-un] was pleased to share in the company of Mr. Rodman as the two enjoyed time together conversing, dining, and watching basketball, which honestly was just about the most ordinary thing I’ve ever seen around here,” an anonymous source within the North Korean government said of the flamboyant NBA star’s relatively conventional diplomatic visit, which reportedly featured little of the group chanting, elaborate costumery, and synchronized acrobatics that define everyday life in the East Asian nation. “Really, this was just a run-of-the-mill episode in which the leader of North Korea spent a couple of days with a 6’7” tattooed Hall of Famer known as ‘The Worm.’ And I guess a few of the Harlem Globetrotters were here at one point. Pretty standard stuff, all things considered.” At press time, North Korean authorities had reportedly taken the unidentified government contact into custody for communicating with Western media, thereby signaling a return to the nation’s customary routine.

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