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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Appearance Of Dennis Rodman Most Normal Thing To Happen In North Korea

PYONGYANG—The recent appearance of former Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman in North Korea was reportedly the most normal thing to transpire in the country in recent memory, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Our Supreme Leader [Kim Jong-un] was pleased to share in the company of Mr. Rodman as the two enjoyed time together conversing, dining, and watching basketball, which honestly was just about the most ordinary thing I’ve ever seen around here,” an anonymous source within the North Korean government said of the flamboyant NBA star’s relatively conventional diplomatic visit, which reportedly featured little of the group chanting, elaborate costumery, and synchronized acrobatics that define everyday life in the East Asian nation. “Really, this was just a run-of-the-mill episode in which the leader of North Korea spent a couple of days with a 6’7” tattooed Hall of Famer known as ‘The Worm.’ And I guess a few of the Harlem Globetrotters were here at one point. Pretty standard stuff, all things considered.” At press time, North Korean authorities had reportedly taken the unidentified government contact into custody for communicating with Western media, thereby signaling a return to the nation’s customary routine.

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