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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Apple: New iPhone Good

'You Should Buy It' CEO Says

CUPERTINO, CA—During a highly anticipated media event held today at the Apple corporation’s world headquarters, CEO Tim Cook announced the new iPhone 4S is good and people should buy it. “It’s a good phone,” said Cook, walking out onto a stage and gesturing at a picture of the device projected on a large screen behind him. "It's got e-mail, the Internet, and you can get apps on it. Everybody should get one. It's good." After standing in place for another four seconds without speaking, Cook walked off stage, at which point the houselights came up and all in attendance were asked to please file out of the auditorium.

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