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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Apple Releases Brief, Fleeting Moment Of Excitement

CUPERTINO, CA—Ending weeks of anticipation and intense speculation, tech giant Apple unveiled a short and fleeting moment of excitement to the general public Tuesday during a media event at its corporate headquarters. “With this groundbreaking new release, Apple has completely revolutionized the way we experience an ephemeral sense of wonder lasting no longer than several moments,” said Wired writer Gary Turnham, who added that the company has once again proved why it’s the global leader in developing exhilarating sensations that only temporarily mask one’s underlying feelings before dissolving away. “Even before today’s announcement, people across the country were lining up to be among the first to get their hands on this new short-lived and non-renewable flash of satisfaction. And they won’t be disappointed; this already vanishing glimmer of pleasure is exactly what we’ve come to expect from Apple.” According to Turnham, rumors are already swirling that Apple engineers are working on a slimmer, briefer moment of excitement projected for release next fall.

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