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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Applebee's To Offer Divorced-Father-And-Child Specials Every Other Weekend

KANSAS CITY, MO—Applebee’s announced Friday that all 2,000 of its locations will soon offer a menu of every-other-weekend specials created especially for divorced fathers and their children. “These delicious meal options are perfect when you’re coming back with your kid from a movie or minor-league baseball game, or just feel like the two of you need to get out of your apartment for a little while,” Applebee’s president Mike Archer said of the new specials, which follow last year’s successful introduction of the restaurant’s Broken-Home-Style Burger deals for parents who have recently told their children they’re getting divorced. “Whether you’d like a quesadilla appetizer that sets just the right mood for asking questions about the past two weeks of school, or want to discuss your ex-wife’s current boyfriend over our famous Brownie Bite dessert, we’ve got something for every father and the child he sees twice a month.” Archer added that for a limited time, the specials will also include a coupon redeemable for a well drink after the father has dropped the kid off Sunday night and returned to sit at the bar alone.

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