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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Aquarium Unveils 'Floating Carcasses Of The Pacific' Exhibit

CHICAGO—Expanding on its collection of over 30,000 aquatic animals, Chicago’s John G. Shedd Aquarium opened its new “Floating Carcasses Of The Pacific” exhibit Wednesday, allowing visitors an up-close look at the vast diversity of dead and decaying marine life found throughout the world’s largest ocean. “From entire schools of fish that were exposed to toxic agricultural runoff, to sea turtles that ingested floating plastic refuse, to otters unable to escape a marine oil spill, visitors will be amazed by the sheer array of dead animals in this exhibit,” spokesman Ted Malpass said in a press release, noting that the decomposing remains of baby dolphins that had become tangled in trawlers’ fishing nets were sure to be a hit with children. “And we are the only aquarium in the country to feature a fully grown 50-foot sperm whale that perished after its feeding grounds were overfished. You will definitely want to check out that big guy in person before he rots away.” Malpass added that visitors who purchase tickets to the new exhibit would also receive free admission to the aquarium’s popular tank of Florida manatee corpses that were struck by speedboats.

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