adBlockCheck

Arab-American Actually Kind Of Enjoys Always Having 2 Bus Seats To Self

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Arab-American Actually Kind Of Enjoys Always Having 2 Bus Seats To Self

CHICAGO—While stressing that racial profiling is degrading and has made his life more difficult in a great many ways, 29-year-old Egyptian-American Tarek Yasin admitted to reporters Monday that he does sort of enjoy always having two seats to himself when he rides the bus. “Sure, it’s insulting when people take one look at me and then walk to the other end of the bus, but after a long day of work, it is kind of nice to be able to stretch out a little bit,” said Yasin, adding that since the Boston Marathon bombings on Apr. 15, he hasn’t once had to sit next to someone else during his daily commute. “Even when the bus is full, just the sight of me standing in the aisle is enough to make people get up and move, so I always wind up with a seat. Ignorance, fear, racism—these are horrible things, but at least I get to sit down and take a load off.” Yasin, who has been an American citizen for over a decade, added that he also gets the locker room at his health club to himself “just by showing up and setting down [his] gym bag.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close