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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full Of Stolen Horsey Sauce

ATLANTA—Arby's CEO Roland Smith was arrested and charged with unlawful possession of a controlled condiment Tuesday when a Georgia state trooper found 40 kilos of stolen Horsey Sauce in the trunk of Smith's car after pulling him over for erratic driving.

"When the arresting officer approached the car, Mr. Smith was behaving strangely and the officer detected a strong, spicy odor," said Georgia State Patrol spokesperson Tim Courson. "Upon inspection of the vehicle, the trooper discovered that the trunk contained what appeared to be a large quantity of uncut, pure-grade Horsey Sauce. A subsequent search of the suspect's person revealed several additional ounces of the sauce in large Ziploc bags duct-taped to his legs and chest."

Police estimate the street value of the potent horseradish-and-mayonnaise-based substance at $4.32.

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