'Arby's Has Been Putting More Onion Bits On Their Buns,' Reports Man Sinking Into Heavy Depression

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Vol 47 Issue 50

Those We Lost In 2011

Once again, the world experienced several million deaths over the course of a year. Five of those people who died were famous.

2011: Politics

Party brinksmanship in Congress has led to the government nearly shutting down on multiple occasions this year.
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'Arby's Has Been Putting More Onion Bits On Their Buns,' Reports Man Sinking Into Heavy Depression

KANSAS CITY—According to local Patrick Johnson, the amount of crunchy onion bits baked into Arby's sandwich buns seems to have increased somewhat recently, the 32-year-old mechanic noted while visibly descending into a heavily depressed state. "Yeah, I think there's more onion things, but maybe they're a little smaller, I can't really tell," said the emotionally deteriorating Johnson, moments before slowly dunking a fry into a small paper cup full of ketchup. “I think that paper they wrap the sandwiches in got thinner, too.” As of press time, Johnson had left the Arby's to walk home, noticing that the billboard for that Christmas movie was still up.

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