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Architect's Friends All Have Great Idea For A Building

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

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MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

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Architect's Friends All Have Great Idea For A Building

SAN DIEGO— Friends and acquaintances of Phil Yost are constantly giving him ideas for buildings, the 40-year-old architect said Monday. "I was catching up with my old college roommate, who I hadn't spoken to in years, and he blurts out, 'What if you built a revolving hotel like they have revolving restaurants?'" Yost said. "Do you know how many times I've gotten that?" In the past month, Yost has heard pitches for pyramid-shaped warehouses, retractable-roof golf courses, and 100-story, subterranean "groundscrapers" that would be impervious to terrorist attack.

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