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Area Child Can't Bring Self To Look Up To Eli Manning

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Area Child Can't Bring Self To Look Up To Eli Manning

HAZLET, NJ—Twelve-year-old Giants fan Jesse Kenney revealed today that, try though he might, he simply can't muster up the necessary respect to idolize Giants QB and Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning. "I mean, he's great and everything.... Well, not great, but definitely pretty good," said the lifelong Giants fan, sporting his favorite Justin Tuck jersey for the interview. "I mean, he's a starting quarterback, and Kerry [Collins] and Kurt [Warner] were definitely my favorite players when they were around. It's just.... He's Eli, you know? He kinda reminds me of my baby brother Nicky. Nicky was just born in March, right after the Super Bowl. I like to put his little Giants hat on when I take care of him." When informed of Kenney's difficulties, Manning furrowed his brow, pouted, and began to cry.

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