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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Couple Not Sure If Sex Was Tantric

SCARSDALE, NY—Following two hours of stilted, uncomfortable intercourse in which the couple started and stopped at various times, Jeff and Kara DiMarco speculated Saturday as to whether they had just engaged in tantric sex. "I'm pretty sure it was tantric," said Jeff DiMarco, adding that he and his wife skimmed an Esquire article about tantra last month, and that what they did Saturday was "like that, sort of." "We were definitely breathing together, and I know I didn't climax, even though I came close a few times. And I think we transmitted energy. Honey, we transmitted energy, right?" Wife Kara later told reporters that she was pretty sure her chakra had been stimulated at some point Saturday, but she couldn't say for sure.

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