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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Dad Concerned He’s Running Out Of Family Photos To Digitize

ALAMO, CA—Flipping through the final pages of the last photo album on the living room shelf, local father Adam Forrester appeared distressed Wednesday as he told reporters he was quickly running out of images of his family to digitize. “I finished up all the ones from when the kids were little—including the ones from the old house—and I already made my way through that box Grandma gave us, so pretty soon there won’t be any left to put on the computer,” the visibly anxious 56-year-old said of the imminent culmination of a project that has occupied many of his weeknights and Saturday afternoons since he came across a scanner on sale at a local electronics retailer three months ago. “I suppose I could still go through and take the red-eye out of them. And I should get a hard drive to back them up on, in case something happens to my computer. Maybe I’ll check the attic again to make sure I’m not missing any old school portraits.” At press time, sources confirmed a relieved-looking Forrester had hit upon the idea of going back through the entire collection and adding approximate dates to every photograph.

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