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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Area Dad Convinced Receiver Controlled Ball, Got Both Feet Inbounds

ALTOONA, PA—Following a contested pass on the sideline, living room sources just confirmed that local father James Kulick is convinced the receiver on his team controlled the football and managed to get both feet inbounds for a fair catch. “Just look, you can see it right there on the replay—he gets possession and both feet touch the ground before he goes out,” said Kulick, adding that the receiver’s successful toe tap next to the sideline is “100 percent clear when they zoom in all the way.” “He dragged his left foot to the right as he got the ball, and he maintains control all the way to the ground. That’s a catch, no question. Clear as day. He caught it.” At press time, Kulick was reportedly furious after the opposing team had challenged the call.

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