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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Area Dad Hopes Son's Interest In Long Jumping Just A Phase

BALTIMORE—David Segal, 38-year-old accountant and father of two, expressed hope that his 10-year-old son's recent interest in long jumping has been spurred only by the 2008 Olympic Games and will fade out as soon as the NFL season, NBA season, and MLB post-season begin. "He can't be serious," a distraught Segal said last Friday when his son rejected his offer to play a game of catch in favor of watching Olympic track-and-field events for the second time this week. "I don't get it. You can run and jump in baseball, football, and basketball, too. But at least those sports are, you know, sports." Sources close to Segal say he later forcibly prevented his son from watching the Olympics as soon as the floor exercise of the men's artistic gymnastics came on.

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