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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start with their waitress. "I knew it was all going down hill when she turned to leave and he called her back to request she 'go easy on the ice,'" said son Marc, cringing as his father touched the waitress on the elbow and asked her to slow down a bit while reading the dinner specials. "There's no bouncing back at this point. All we can hope for now is that when she comes by to see if we need anything else, he doesn't joke about how he could use some help with his income taxes." As of press time, Richardson had complimented the waitress on her unique name and asked which country her parents were from.

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