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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Area Dad Points Out Place That Has Great Reuben Sandwiches

'You Like Reubens, Right?' Father Inquires

AGOURA HILLS, CA—Noting that they really hit the spot, local dad Peter Barry pointed out a restaurant that serves really good Reuben sandwiches during a drive with his son Ryan on Saturday. "You like those, right? Reubens?" Barry asked the 18-year-old, who vaguely nodded his head while staring out the window. "I love me a good Reuben." Sources reported that after driving in silence for the next five minutes, the father went on to add, "Nothing better than a Reuben."

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