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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Area Dad Points Out Place That Has Great Reuben Sandwiches

'You Like Reubens, Right?' Father Inquires

AGOURA HILLS, CA—Noting that they really hit the spot, local dad Peter Barry pointed out a restaurant that serves really good Reuben sandwiches during a drive with his son Ryan on Saturday. "You like those, right? Reubens?" Barry asked the 18-year-old, who vaguely nodded his head while staring out the window. "I love me a good Reuben." Sources reported that after driving in silence for the next five minutes, the father went on to add, "Nothing better than a Reuben."

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