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Area Dad Suffers Massive Nothing To Worry About

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Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

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Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

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Area Dad Suffers Massive Nothing To Worry About

STEVENS POINT, WI—In a no big deal that barely even took place, area factory worker and father of four Walt Koepke suffered a massive nothing to worry about late Thursday afternoon. According to sources, the 58-year-old Koepke had been shopping at a nearby grocery store when he clutched his chest, fell over, and was incapacitated by a very sudden and very painful everything will be just fine. Doctors are currently keeping Koepke under observation at Mount Sinai Hospital in case he requires another emergency quadruple sweetheart, there's no need for you to fret over such a small matter, honestly.

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