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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Area Dad Talking About Pete Maravich Again

INDIANAPOLIS—While watching a recent Pacers-Cavaliers game with his 31-year-old son Daniel, Paul Steitzer, 64, began talking about former Jazz and Hawks legend "Pistol" Pete Maravich, marking the sixth time this season that Steitzer has brought up the Hall of Fame point guard from out of nowhere. "I don't know what makes him think about Pete Maravich, but all of a sudden he'll start saying things like 'He's no Maravich,' or 'Maravich would have made that pass,'" said the younger Steitzer, adding that over the last 30 years, his father has compared Pete Maravich to nearly every point guard in the league, as well as to Moses Malone and Anthony Mason. "Whenever he talks about Maravich, he always brings up how quick he was and says 'whoa boy' a lot." Steitzer later told reporters that his father even talks about Maravich in situations that do not traditionally involve basketball, noting that before his wedding last June, Steitzer took a moment to tell his son how Maravich would often perform "this crazy fake wrist pass thing."

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