RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
SHELTON, CT—According to family members, ever since area father Gerry DiCenzo purchased a 52-inch HD LCD television last month, he has refused to watch any program not broadcast in high-definition. "Every time I walk into the room, he's like, 'Michael, sit down, you have to look at this picture,' but it's always something crappy, like golf or bowling or something," said son Michael, 14, who noted that his father will often flip back and forth between CBS's high-definition station and its regular station to illustrate the difference, acting physically disgusted when the picture is not in HD. "He always watches Happy Feet on HBO and says, 'Look how clear the pixels are—you can see the individual feathers on the penguins!' I don't even think he knows what the plot of the movie is." DiCenzo, who now also only rents movies on Blu-Ray, proudly noted that Spider-Man 3 star Tobey Maguire "has a bunch of moles on his face that you can't see in regular-def."