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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts. “We know he gets new ones, because he’ll wear the same old stuff for a long time and then all of a sudden he’ll put on some sort of plaid Nautica golf shirt we’ve never seen him in before,” said Don Griffith Jr., 14, noting that the only exceptions were his father’s T-shirts, which usually featured written phrases indicating where he got them from. “I don’t even know when he would have time to go out and buy them. It seems like he’s usually with us when he’s not working. Maybe there’s a shirt store by his office?” At press time, the children realized that, oh, right, Mom buys them.

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