adBlockCheck

Fathers

Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...

Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...
End Of Section
  • More News

Fathers

Area Father Beginning To Suspect 3-Year-Old A Real Ding-Dong

CLEVELAND—Local dad Kevin Marshall, 29, began to voice concerns Monday that his 3-year-old son Bryant might be a real ding-dong, household sources confirmed. “I don’t know about that kid. Starting to look like there's not much going on upstairs,” said Marshall of the 3-year-old whom he called a turkey, a dingus, and a real dud. “Sometimes I just want to say, ‘Hello! Knock, knock, you dope. Anyone home?’ I think we may have a real lemon on our hands.” Marshall confirmed that his son is “a real sweet kid, though.”

More from this section

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close