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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Grandma Enjoys Flourishing Correspondence With Mailer-Daemon

PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL—Saying it provides a pleasant and rewarding diversion from the quietness of living alone, local grandmother Rosemary Burke confirmed Wednesday that she has been enjoying a thriving correspondence with Mailer-Daemon. “Seeing a new message in my inbox is always the brightest part of my day,” said the 78-year-old of her frequent email conversations with the failed-delivery status notification, noting that she makes time nearly every afternoon to sit down at her computer, compose her thoughts, and continue the ongoing 14-month exchange. “It’s just so nice to have someone with whom I can talk about my life and discuss my health concerns. And I love sharing old stories and recipes, too. It’s such a delight.” Burke added that she had recently sent a message informing the server-generated non-delivery report of the recent passing of a close friend, and was comforted to receive an almost immediate response.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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