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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work

ROCHESTER, NY—According to sources, an idea thought of Monday has been reported to be so crazy and ill-conceived that it may actually wind up working. "Without getting too specific," said Myron Halversham, 53, the idea's creator, "let's just say that this is the kind of off-the-wall idea that ordinarily you'd immediately reject as ridiculous and insane, and obviously doomed to fail. But upon second thought, it occurred to me that despite—or perhaps even because of—its utter absurdity, this idea may well be successful." Despite Halversham's tremendous optimism, area nay-sayers are scoffing at the hare-brained scheme.

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